Review the fundamentals: We have a huge layer of mixed cultural mythology, running against a hidden undercurrent of predation taking advantage of the buried facts. Then, off in another realm entirely is the actual truth of hard-wired human nature. The major challenge with raising children, if you start young enough, is helping them understand society is run mostly on lies.
But for parents who come too late to this truth, and their boys are somewhere near 12 or older, we have to come up with methods of holding the tension between false social expectations and what their wiring tells them. The good part regarding boys is you can more easily tell them straight out their social environment is manure. They probably know it, at least on some level, already. Hearing it from you, their parents, will come as quite a relief, and they are likely to listen.
Basic fact: American cultural mythology hates real men. It lies about what a real man is, and does it’s best to shape boys into something they cannot be, should not try to be. Even if he rebels, he’s still a sucker for yet another lie. You can probably talk straight to them about struggling against a world of lies, helping them understand the only real victory is not being sucked under.
At school, everything they face is run by the false feminist mythology. It’s meant to drive them insane, and generally works. Teach your boys Game (Game Theory of Human Socio-sexual Response). It’s all over the Net. If you’ve not encountered it before, use the built-in search engine on this blog for a long list of posts related to the term “game”. Some two-thirds of what’s listed will actually discuss the topic of Game Theory. At a minimum, you need to understand the basics of Post-Victorian Feminism.
From the first day of school, the system will try to make him a sissy, a metrosexual. The system will tell him all his natural instincts are evil or criminal. They’ll try to drug him if he acts like a normal boy. The earlier you work with him to handle this wholesale rejection of manhood, the stronger he’ll be in negotiating his own way through the system. You cannot do that for him, only equip him.
Understand the social mythology peculiar to your son and his peers. Know what they think is cool. Chances are he will not understand his single greatest need is apprenticeship to a worthy man. It might be his father, but that’s hardly necessary, and these days rather unlikely. At around age 12-14 his wiring demands daily close contact with someone he needs to emulate. It needs to capture his imagination. But if you simply let him choose according to the whims of his peers and such, there’s a high risk it will be someone unworthy. Every man should want to apprentice one or more young fellows, but most cannot. The number one issue with his behavior is the general impossibility of meeting his real need. He’ll up with a mix of distant models who can’t demonstrate for him the details of living with a badly messed up world.
So Dad or a good stand-in needs to work closely with him on some level. Pay attention to him and stay involved. If you can’t share your hobbies with him, share his. If you can’t get him under some man’s wing, he’s probably doomed.
If he starts to manifest any real manhood, the girls will be all over him. If he handles it well enough, let it go. A few guys are just naturals. Most are not. They’ll be sucked under every way imaginable, to include varying efforts and degrees of seduction. Unless you are willing to pay the price for sexually segregated education, this becomes the second hardest thing you’ll face. He’ll be distracted from what really matters. Girls his age are likely to outfox and dominate him, and sensibly younger girls are simply too young. You probably can’t force the issue. Social structures militate against the right answer.
I don’t recommend military academies. Western military social structure is simply all wrong, and if you like my writing at all you won’t like the results of sending your son to any of them. Almost anything else you can do to keep him away from girls, in the sense of keeping him too busy, etc., is worth a try if he goes along with it.
He needs a job. Since that may be pretty difficult, construct something which requires the same commitment from him as a job. Not in terms of modern workaday scheduling (another social lie) but something deeper. It needs to be consistent with his interests and aptitude, and it needs to keep him engaged. It needs to call up from his inner being all the things that makes a man manly. Some really good hobbies are out there, and some can be mixed to good results. Most school sports are actually dangerous in terms of psychology, but it’s hard to avoid it with some boys. In the long run, he really needs to steer his own course. Raise him with the expectation he should decide for himself as much as he thinks he can handle. You don’t have to like his choices; he does.
If he’s already hooked up with a gang, you need a miracle, not advice.
The one best antidote for all social lies is making him self-sufficient. Teach him not to rely on what society provides, because it will surely fail him, and perhaps sooner than anyone expects. He needs to resolve to do what real men do, facing hardship with equanimity, and making the most of bad situations. If he doesn’t understand the world is essentially hostile on many levels, he’ll be a victim looking for a predator. Naturally, you’ll color this with the emphases of your prevailing locale.
Manhood is hard enough without leaving it to chance.