Romance: A Summary of Assumptions

The Red Pill Men and Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW), two movements overlapping a great deal, have one thing right: Violence against women should always be limited to self-defense. If you feel the urge to get violent with females, you are doing something horribly wrong in the first place. You aren’t handling your own internal weaknesses very well and you have no business being with women. When a woman gets stupid with you, don’t join her in getting stupid, any more than you would with another man. Getting stupid is called “stupid” for a reason, and we all do it. The whole point in studying humans relations is to get less stupid.

Key tangent: Don’t take yourself too seriously. Individual humans are not all one thing; we only appear to be so. We are actually a complex of multiple beings on multiple levels of existence. Your conscious self-awareness can wander all over your being, but where it’s rooted is the issue. With children it’s rooted in emotions, which we associate with the belly and the bottom of the spine. Some people never get past that stage. Most people believe their consciousness is rooted in their heads. That’s sad, because it’s not designed for that. Yours should be rooted in your heart, which is designed for that. Thus, your conscious awareness knows better than to take your feelings and thoughts too seriously. Convictions are written in your heart by the finger of God, so pay more attention to them. Your convictions are your divine identity, the anchor of your moral strength.

If you aren’t strong enough to help a woman through her stupid times, you aren’t strong enough to be her man. But if you handle stupidity well, you inspire her to help you with your own limitations. The whole key to building a great romance is to inspire her. She needs it. Without that, she has no reason to be with you in the first place. So an awful lot of Red Pill Men’s stuff is about being awesome, making the most of what manly charisma you possess. This is more likely to attract the kind of women who will fulfill God’s design from back in Eden — thus, that term “a help-meet.” For the most part, you are incomplete without her, so the best way to get a good woman is to be a good man.

We firmly assert that God takes an interest in this stuff. He actively works for His own glory, but He wants that glory to come through His children. So He gets involved in the matchmaking process in ways you could not comprehend. However, we reject the false doctrine that there is only one properly qualified candidate for you as wife during your whole life. In your journey of faith, you will encounter windows of opportunity for various different good candidates whom the Lord will bring into your life. Ditch the dreams of holy perfection in this life; that’s a fantasy that has destroyed a great many good things God has done for His children.

Recognize that you bear an aesthetic taste in female flesh. It may vary from time to time, which proves that it has nothing to do with God’s ideal. Discern how your tastes will tend to keep you from seeing the beauty many women possess below the skin layer. Don’t get hung up on your sense of what’s cute.

Don’t choose a woman based on what attracts you. Don’t choose any at all. It’s okay to signal in subtle ways your approval, but the true test of a good match is God moving her to choose you. Sure, there are plenty of women looking for another plaything, and they’ll manipulate you and sucker you in for their amusement. A critical element in all of this is the heart-led way that Red Pill Men cannot comprehend. We differ from them in a great many ways, but can’t totally reject everything they say. Mostly it’s a difference in fundamental motivations. We seek the Father’s glory, not merely the sating of fleshly desires. Most women are well equipped for the sating, and quite willing to handle that, but we have to give them a reason to want us. It’s that inspiration thing again.

So the best way to attract a good woman is to be yourself. Be the man devoted to shining His glory in the first place. Next to that is a huge dose of cynicism. Our Western society has produced a horrifying slander against God and what He says He has created, the average American gal is not worth your time. She may have potential, and that matters, but it does take some time to ensure she’s going to follow your lead out of Western culture. You owe her the respect it takes to work with her honestly so she’s not deceived about where you are headed in life. It’s an art to balance these two things. One is a godly reticence — not gushing and insecure, trying to win approval. Two is an honest report so she doesn’t feel like you are leading her nowhere. You have to work from the position that you don’t really need her, but would be awfully glad if she decides to throw in her lot with you.

There will be bumps and bruises and a great many false starts down that path. It takes awhile to learn how to discern women in a Western society. Again, on average, they aren’t worth your ultimate investment. However, God has things worked out so that you will encounter one now and then that isn’t really too compromised. There’s always at least one in any given context who is sensitive to the divine calling to come out of Babylon to join you. You have to give her a reason, but that good woman will sacrifice an awful lot to be with a man worth her time. She’s there. If you don’t find her, it’s time to invest more energy in being what you should be in the first place.

As early as possible, develop a cynicism about women. Don’t worship, don’t supplicate, and don’t believe even half of what they seem to be saying. Most of the ones you encounter are not right for you, and the demons have permission to make them tempting. Go through life being a man of God and taking all solace and comfort from Him. Don’t be a fool or you will destroy other lives along with your own. Always assume the vast majority of the females you meet are destined for some other guy. Enjoy their friendship, but keep yourself aloof in some ways. Chances are the right gal is watching somewhere to see if you send the right signals, and that includes being stronger than her in how you deal with a fallen world.

That signals you are strong enough to trust for headship. Now, understand that women are equipped to mother for a reason; there are things in your life mission where she’s in charge. You should retain executive leadership, but have no trouble delegating. Good men of God will vary all over the map. There will always be mamma’s boys and mommies to mother them. So if the guy you see in the mirror needs a mom, then find a mom. Be honest with yourself about it. But we are assuming the average guy doesn’t need that, so let’s avoid the (s)mothering types who will interfere with your divine calling. Be aware of the balance of things, because she will need to mother those areas in your life where you cannot and should not be in control. Watch out for women who feel driven to seek out men they can dominate. Most Western woman are taught to do that, and it has really taken root in some.

So your cynicism should say something like this: A few women are deadly threats. Most of them are simply reserved for someone else. In any given context and passage in your life, only one is likely to be God’s gift to you, if there is even one. Most women need a bit of shepherding because of the nasty world in which they live, same as most men. Be a clear revelation of God’s truth to all. Somewhere in the mix of things, if you are doing it right, several may attempt to cling to you. Typically only one of them is right for the long haul, if even that many. Be honorable in how you treat all of them and God will show you which one is ready for that critical mission with you.

Now, if you find yourself already in a relationship with the wrong person, we have a lot of work to do climbing out of the pit and discerning what God wants you to do next. That’s a whole other library of books we could write in restoring divine justice and healing things. A big part of that is understanding how it should have been in the first place.

About Ed Hurst

Disabled Veteran, prophet of God's Laws, Bible History teacher, wannabe writer, volunteer computer technician, cyclist, Social Science researcher
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2 Responses to Romance: A Summary of Assumptions

  1. Iain says:

    As a man gets older the pool of available women of character shrinks. In pre-online days, a certain young man wanted a virgin bride who was a Christian. When he reached 29, a critical time in a man’s life, he thought “if I don’t get married soon, all that’s left will be damaged good ie, divorced with a kid.” So, he married the first one who was close enough and willing. They had children but, as time passed they both realized that they really had little left in common and were only together for their children’s sake. I’m sure this little “fable” is quite common. My question is what do such people do? They don’t believe in divorce but, their lives together will be quite miserable once their common denominators have grown and left home.

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  2. Ed Hurst says:

    No single approach works for everyone. Divorce is not the only way to get away from each other. There are other ways to find God’s peace, which is what matters more than anything else. Mostly it depends on how well the two understand their options and care what God thinks.

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